Storyboard Vision 4

This is the fourth vision of the storyboard. I've tried to add some narration, however, 

It doesn't do much to the story. My classmates suggest I get rid of the narration and use only use video to tell the whole story.

Besides, my tutor suggested that this story was a very emotional piece, so I should slow down the rhythm of the whole video, and let the audience have time to understand and go into the emotion. Besides, I've also been suggested that have more close-up shots and show the main character's expression.